Glennan Glennan Sandiego et la DIC inc
by Lio
Summary: We've finally got our own section! Thank you fanfiction.net! All right, on to the story... What if Zack, Ivy, Carmen and the Chief sued DIC over the last season?


  
Hey Gang, this is a nutty collective that me and Kallah wrote up over many many IM coversations on nights when we really should have been doing something better. I'm glad we finished it. (Strangely enough, after we put it up many people from the Manor commented that they also ordered olives on their pizzas just to pick off the toppings. Small world...)  
  
If you want to see some of Kallah's work go to http://fly.to/kallah. She's an excellent author in her own right, and the trip is worth it.  
  
Well enough with that! Let's get down to business!  
  
Type of fic: General WOEICS. Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego for you laymen out there. There isn't a catagory for it yet, so it gets put here... It's around a PG for a little bad language.  
  
Disclaimer: Yes, we know that none of the Charicters created by DIC are ours. If they were, we would treat them alot better. This isn't made for profit, Neither authors have two nickel to rub together, so don't sue us. All you'd get would be a worn-out Playstation and a Chinese Brush painting set. The authors created by us are ours, although we would be willing to let them go for two nickels...  
  
  
  
Sandiego, Glennan, Glennan et al versus DIC Productions   
An story by Sara and Lio  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"So have you reached a verdict?" The judge asked coolly  
  
"Yes, your Honor." said the Jury spokesperson "The defendant is guilty!  
  
The Judge smiled. He had hoped as much "And how to you sentence them?"  
  
"Your Honor, we sentence the defendant to fifteen hours of bad Christian rock" the   
spokesperson stated.  
  
In spite of his Right Wing sensibilities the judge shuddered for the defendant "...I'm   
sorry, but I must overturn your verdict on the grounds of unnecessary cruelty..."  
  
"Damn." The spokesperson swore "Then we would like to sentence the defendant's lawyer to   
sitting through the entire Ring cycle with no breaks."  
  
The judge had no problem with that. "Done and done…" he said smacking the gavel smartly.   
The lawyer of the defendant was dragged off screaming. Interested, the defendant went with   
them to watch.  
  
The Judge shuffled through the cases on his desk. Movies studios… TV studios… pointless   
cases, every one of them. Why had he left homicide in the first place? At least it was   
interesting…   
  
He pulled out his next case.  
  
Well, well… maybe today's session wouldn't be so bad after all…  
  
"Bring in Case #1984303..." he called out, trying to sound bored.  
  
"Sandiego, Glennan, Glennan et al versus DIC Productions." The Bailiff cried out in a   
clear voice.   
  
The opposing teams entered the courtroom. Each spent a few moments shuffling papers and   
whispering intently before looking to the Judge for the signal to start.  
  
To the Judges left… a large block of corporate lawyers with thousand dollar suits, real   
leather suitcases and Monte Blanc pens.  
  
To his right… An ambulance chaser in flashy clothes. Scratch that. An Ambulance chaser in   
flashy clothes, who happened to be with three clients that any parent of ten-year old   
should know…  
  
The traditional rising and seating was unnecessary, so the Judge jumped right into the   
trial. "And what is the complaint?"  
  
The Ambulance Chaser, a shyster he knew only as Lee Galease, stepped up to the podium,   
carrying a thick legal brief.   
  
"Your Honor, I'll be brief." Galese said(Apparently he heard about the last lawyer...) "My   
clients are suing DIC for defamation of character, violation of contract, and poor   
plotting ."  
  
"And the specific cases of these deflamations?" The Judge asked  
  
"Your Honor, in the case of Ms. Sandiego, she refers specifically to   
episodes 'The Stolen Smile', 'Timing is Everything', and 'Can You Ever Go Home Again?'.   
In the case of Ivy Glennan, she refers to the episode 'Cupid Sandiego' as the primary   
defamation, and objects also to her portrayal in 'Timing is Everything'. Zack Glennan   
objects generally to his portrayal throughout the series as a helpless klutz. The Chief   
objects to being an object of humor."  
  
Zack, Ivy and Carmen he saw, silently bobbing their heads in agreement of their lawyers   
words. The Chief he didn't see, a large, floating, pink screen where he obviously SHOULD   
have been displayed flying toasters. Must have been some delay at the office…  
  
"I see." The Judge said "I must say I am acquainted personally with the various upsets you   
have mentioned... and I myself have been increasingly insulted by the unnaturally wild   
mood swings. Does the representatives from DIC have an opening statement to present before   
witnesses are called?"  
  
A richly dressed Counselor from DIC, the one with the whitest teeth stood confidently and   
spoke "Your Honor, this is absurd. We intend to show all events and individuals are   
portrayed accurately."   
  
"Anything else?" The judge asked sharply.  
  
Mr. WhiteTeeth smiled patronizingly "Furthermore, the allegations of contract violations are   
completely inaccurate. We were entirely within our legal rights at all times." Suddenly the   
Counselor paused, as if thinking something over "Your Honor, CGI heads do not have legal   
standing in this state," he finally said "and we request the Chief's removal from this  
case."  
  
"Request denied counselor." The judge spat "Sanctioned beings have every right to testify.   
Justice knows no singular form... Proceed when ready."  
  
Shaken but undaunted, the Attorney consulted briefly with his colleagues then stood, "We   
received all information regarding the earliest disputed episode from one of Carmen's   
closest associates, Professor Sara Bellum."  
  
Lee stands. "Your Honor, I object. During the date in question, Professor Bellum was in   
intense therapy and evidenced difficulty telling reality from fantasy."  
  
"Objection sustained…" the judge said in a bored tone.  
  
"DIC's lawyers were starting to sweat. "Regarding the episode Timing is Everything,"   
continued the Attorney "we received our information from Mason Dixon, Josha, and a source   
who refused to identify herself."  
  
"No hidden charges may be brought upon the court counselor, you know that..." The judge   
interrupted "the court may, however, recognize the other two testimonies... Please, present   
these now sir..."  
  
DIC's lawyers entered the transcripts into evidence, passing them to the bailiff. "Mason   
Dixon stated that Carmen sent him to retrieve a sofa." Continued the rep attorney, "During   
the course of this operation, he took an opportunity to steal the time machine and rearrange history."  
  
Lee stands. "Your Honor, my client argues that she did not, in fact, send Mason for a sofa.   
She intended him to purchase a twelve-pack of soda. Furthermore, at no time did she   
retrieve him in the time machine, much less leave it open and vulnerable to theft. At the   
time of the events, said machine was in fact undergoing repairs."  
  
Uncertain, the Judge slipped Court's copy of 'Timing...' into the court's VCR and played it   
for the court. Several members of the jury opened bags of popcorn. As Mason stole the time   
machine the judge spoke up. "The Time Machine seems to be in perfect working order to me   
Galsese... and a Civil War recreation festive seems a strange place to get a pack of   
Surge... Especially when he has more than one person helping him DURING a large robbery..."  
  
Lee shook his head. "That was entirely Mason's own idea. My client at that time was engaged   
in other activities and did not learn that Mason was doing so until it was too late. She believes - although she has been unable to confirm this yet - that the appearance of the   
machine was an unauthorized test run by Professor Bellum, particularly since she found part   
of her laundry missing."  
  
The judges head spun as Galese's logic flowed as fast as he talked "Hold on," he said   
temporally dropping his tough guy act "I need you to clarify why she was standing by the   
machine itself... and who's laundry was missing? Hers or Sara's?"  
  
"Your Honor, you will recall from another episode that Professor Bellum is not above ...   
borrowing Ms. Sandiego's identity. The laundry in question belonged to Ms. Sandiego."  
  
"I see" the judge said.  
  
"Your honor, this is sheer speculation!" DIC's lawyer objected.  
  
"Yes..." said the judge "but the fact of the matter is that only two henchmen have come   
forward at this point. And these are employees that both have a record of having either   
mental problems or general harsh feelings towards Ms. Sandiego.. Continue Mr. Galese..."  
  
"Your Honor, regarding the episode Can You Ever Go Home Again. This causes considerable   
personal distress to Ms. Sandiego. You are certainly aware that she was orphaned at a young   
age. However, my client emphatically states that her desire to learn about her past does   
not preclude the use of intelligent measures in determining that past. My client objects to   
the complete misrepresentation of her actions during that unfortunate affair."  
  
"Such as stealing the 'A' section from the library of Congress and basing parentage on   
vague engravings in or on jewelry?" asked the judge.  
  
"Precisely, Your Honor." Lee said.  
  
"And what was DIC's intentions in this whole fiasco?" the judge asked.  
  
Before DIC could answer Lee jumped in, "Your Honor, DIC was aware at that time that there   
would be no renewal for a fifth season. We believe that because of this, DIC pulled its   
best writers off the show and dumped it in the hands of hacks, to squeeze a last few   
dollars out of it before throwing it on the trash heap."  
  
"Disgraceful. A was not aware that there was to be no renewal!" he fumed. Looking over to   
the considerably paler DIC rep, he asked "Well counselor... what does DIC have to say about   
all of this?"  
  
"Your Honor, that simply isn't true." The attorney stammered "We did not pull our writers   
from the show, and we certainly did not intend to throw it on the trash heap. We were   
attempting to create a ... conclusion ... to the show."  
  
"In other words you were trying to end it as quickly as possible so you could keep   
on making multiple "MMPR" rip offs?" the judge deadpanned  
  
DIC's lawyer gulped. "No, the MMPR rip-offs are Saban's turf ... but they - " claps hand   
over mouth.  
  
The judge gritted his teeth until bone fragments started to take the finish off the   
courtrooms faux-marble floors. He finally got out the phrase "Recess. Ten minutes. We will   
discuss the complains of Ivy and Zack Glennan when we return." The gavel banged.  
  
DIC's lawyer wiped his brow and, seeing the murderous look Ivy shoots him *and* the look on   
the Judge's face, he pulled out a silver flask and drowned a quick swig.  
  
Lee Galese and Crew retired to their chambers in silence. When the doors closed Ivy was the   
first to speak. "Looks good, huh?"  
  
Lee nods. "That's the most sympathetic I've ever seen this judge."  
  
"He seems like a fan... or at least the parent of one…" Carmen remarked. "He knew every   
case we mentioned off the top of his head"   
  
Zack nods. "Just hope he's as sympathetic when it's our turn, sis."  
  
"Speaking of your turn guys... " Lee said  
  
"We get to go up on the witness stand?" Zack guessed  
  
"Seems like it..." Lee shrugged "...As soon as we get back"  
  
"Hey, I'm ready for him... "Ivy smirked. "They're no way I'm gonna take this lying down!"  
  
"Just hope they don't bring Josha into court to testify," Zack remarked.  
  
"Hey I could keep him in line!" Ivy protested  
  
"I'm sure you could, Ivy..." Carmen smirked  
  
The door opened up violently and in breezed... The Chief. "Soo... anything happen while I   
was scanning CrimeNet?"  
  
They look at each other. "DIC tried to dismiss you from the case since you're a CGI head,"   
Ivy finally said.  
  
"They what?!?! Oooohh, that just burns me up!" the Chief exclaimed, suddenly glowing bright   
red. "Eeeek!"  
  
"Chief, be careful.. you're overheating again!" Carmen said trying to calm him down.  
  
The young face of the Bailiff poked into the chambers. "You have five minutes left..."  
  
Lee Galease nods. "Right. All right. Ivy and Zack, you're up next. Knowing the usual, Ivy,   
they'll probably claim you just broke up with Josha and are too embarrassed to admit it."  
  
Ivy snorted "Yeah, whatever, after that argument with Marco I can handle a lawyer."  
  
"Lee Galese cringed "I'm not asking you to handle the Lawyer, I'm asking you to handle   
yourself! Just take deep breaths and do get over excited!"  
  
"All right, all right! Sheeze...." Ivy muttered back.  
  
Zack looked at Carmen and shook his head.   
  
Lee's cell phone suddenly sounded "Geez... hang on, I gotta get this..." He said flipping   
back the lid.  
  
Carmen stepped up to Ivy and put her hand to the teens shoulder. "Ivy, you have a very   
vibrant personality... but right about now you need to hide it. Tell the truth, the plain   
truth and only the truth. Don't hide or elaborate on any point. Got it?"  
  
Ivy slowly cooled down. "Got it." She finally said. Then with a smirk, "Hey, I wouldn't   
want them to think they're going to win, do I?"  
  
Carmen shook her head. "Not at all. Zack, that goes for you too ... and try not to knock   
anything over."  
  
"Very funny." pouted the teen  
  
"All right Team! let's win one for the gipper!" The Chief cheered, as fanfare played in the   
back of his screen  
  
"Chief, that goes for you too..." Carmen told him.  
  
"Oh..." He said. The screen morphed and he was suddenly wearing a respctable, if floating,   
striped tie. The background was a navy blue and, for the first time anyone could remember,   
his wild Elvis hair was combed back and secured with in a ponytail.  
  
Ivy shuddered. "That's scary, Chief."  
  
"Well... yeah. It's unsettling on this end too... but, hey! Whatever works..." He said,   
mellow, as the tie slid securely against a phantom throat.  
  
Everyone but Lee, who was still yelling into his cell phone, shuddered at the newly   
revealed side of the Chief.  
  
Zack shook his head. "What's got into Lee, and don't we only have one or two minutes left?"  
  
"Yeah, little bro, we need to get back out there." Ivy said, "That judge looked furious on   
the way out ..."  
  
"Well, yes, but we don't need to start moving until someone tells us to..." Carmen   
rationalized  
  
If on cue, the young Bailiff peeked back inside the chambers. "Ladies and Gentlemen...?"  
  
Ivy, Zack and the Chief stood up, ready to leave. Carmen tapped Lee on the shoulder.   
"We're required back in the courtroom, Lee."  
  
Lee briefly came back to the reality of where he was. "I'll call you back..." He cooed into   
the phone before hanging up. "Ready?" he asked his clients  
  
"Let's go." Zack said.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
They returned to the courtroom. DIC's lawyers were huddled on their side of the courtroom.  
  
"All rise for the Judge!"  
  
The Judge returned to the courtroom. "Were there further depositions for Ms. Sandiego?"  
  
"No your honor" Both sides replied  
  
"Good. Then let us move on to the second part of the Suit. Mr.Galese? Call your first   
witness..."  
  
"Your honor, I call Ivy Glennan to the stand."  
  
Ivy rose, quickly at first- then as if remembering something she slowed down, walked to the   
stand and turned to face the Bailiff holding a bible  
  
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, So Help You   
God?"  
  
"I do."  
  
"Please be seated..."  
  
Ivy took the witness seat, slowly. Galese paused for a moment, considering (a rare thing   
indeed) then spoke...  
  
"Detective Glennan, you're claiming defamation of character and contract violations, is   
that correct?"  
  
"Yes, it is."  
  
"Will you please detail in your own words the occurrences that led you to make these   
charges?"  
  
"Well after seeing these gross exaggerations of character forced, by the shows writers, on   
my co-workers, and myself I knew I couldn't keep silent..."  
  
DIC's white toothed lawyer objected, "Your honor, I demand charges that are to the point   
and clear, not vague accusations!"  
  
"If the prosecution will remain silent for a few moments I will be glad to broaden my   
accusation!" Ivy interrupted. She took a deep breath.  
  
"It all started with the shows plot, 'Stolen smile'. We had all been studying our   
Characters for weeks, and then we had to throw all that hard work out the window when we   
finally got the script. I didn't think much on it, since it was the pilot and they were   
still experimenting... but since the last season, the same bizarre- almost   
afterthought- personality traits have been popping up in the show."   
  
"Specifically, Detective?" the Judge asked.  
  
"Well... for example: Throughout most of the seasons, except for the first two, Carmen and   
I have been portrayed as strong women, good female role models for young girls. We've taken   
blows by the lackeys of our opposing teams and blows to our pride with equal grace... but   
recently, the power that we've instilled in ourselves is put in on top...after the writers   
have made total fool out of us... The thing with Carmen trying to find out if Malcom was   
her father was completely unlike her and, quite frankly, embarrassing. She lost her cool so   
many times in that episode, the joke around the set was that she had her stunt double had   
switched parts.  
"And the indignation I suffered in Cupid was shameful. I can't legally go into specifics,   
your honor, since the episode hasn't been released here... But they had me tripping in a   
ball gown during the stakeout in 'Timing' then waltzing carefree in virtually the same   
outfit in 'Cupid'!" Ivy took a well-timed sip of water.  
  
The Judge looked appalled at this testimony and the jury was directing black looks toward   
the DIC lawyers.  
  
"Your honor, this is absurd." The DIC rep stammered "The truth is that Detective Glennan   
had broken up with Josha before that episode had a chance to air, and is now trying to   
salve her pride by pretending it never happened."  
  
"Broken up?..." Ivy repeated, tired and disgusted "Who on Earth told you that I had gone   
out with Josha?"  
  
DIC's lawyer looked smug.   
  
She made a noise of disgust in the back of her throat, "Never mind. I think I can guess."   
She turned to the judge. "Your honor, if I may clarify?... While we were making the   
episode, Josha confronted me many times, asking if we could study our parts together. Even   
though I knew he had a crush on me I was foolish, I didn't think it would come down to him   
asking me out THROUGH work... We went out several times, and yes I did have a fun time with   
him... But rumors started spreading about us... kissing... among other things... and I knew   
I had to break it off. But for a long time, he refused to accept my rejection. I see now   
that he has found a way of retaliation..." she said glaring daggers at DIC's attorney.  
  
DIC's lawyer still looked smug. "That's not the story we were given, Your Honor."  
  
"I'm pretty sure of that." Ivy said bluntly "Josha has his good and bad points, and one of   
the good ones is creative writing. This is not "The Blame Game" Counselor... if there is   
any relevancy to this tirade, besides dragging my name through the mud yet again, I suggest   
you bring it to light soon."  
  
DIC's lawyer nodded happily. "Certainly, Detective. Your Honor, I wish to call Josha to the   
stand."  
  
"You may not, sir." The judge bluntly said "Maybe you would be so kind as to let the court   
room work as it was designed? Galese has not officially ended his questioning of Ms   
Glennen, and you have not officially begun OR ended your questioning! I will not have this   
court dissolved into the format a seedy talk show!" The spectators in the court looked   
rather disappointed.  
  
"Detective, will you please elaborate on the contract violations you are alleging   
occurred?" Lee asks.  
  
"Well, Galese... Your honor... as a toon, my contract is given at conception. Along with   
standard rights, the choice of a normal life if the series is canceled, I was given my on   
screen persona. Most toons do eventually develop an off stage personality, but many of us   
unconsciously live the lives that were given to us in and out of the public eye. The…   
creative… re-writes that DIC has made during the past season have, not only, broken the   
original contract which we and DIC inc signed, but is forcing the cast of the show into   
weekly character suicide for the good of a series that the company is trying to quietly do   
away with!"  
  
"I object! We are not quietly trying to do away with the show, and I would hardly consider   
the last season to involve character suicide!"  
  
Ivy rounded on the DIC rep "First of all Counselor to call the second season anything but   
character suicide is to go back on words you had spoken earlier... didn't you claim you   
"were attempting to create a ... conclusion ... to the show."? And secondly, it's still my   
attorneys turn!"  
  
The Judge banged his gavel. "The lady is correct. Wait your turn, Counselor!"  
  
The DIC rep, slouched down and, discreetly, takes another swallow out of his flask.  
  
The judge turns to Lee, "You may proceed..."  
  
"Thank you, your honor. Now, are there any other instances of contract violations?"  
  
"There was... is... the arms violation."  
  
"Please explain, detective."  
  
"Our primary contact specifically forbid the use of any guns, gun imagery or live ammo.   
Aside from the explosives in 'Plays the thing' there were no definite violations of this..   
but in 'Can You ever...'...."  
  
"No further questions, Your Honor." Lee smiled. The DIC rep sneaked another drink from the   
flask.  
  
"Very well Mr. Galese.." he said. Then, turning to the DIC rep he said, in a fatherly voice   
"NOW you can begin you line of questioning..."  
  
"Ms. Glennan, you freely admit that you went out with Josha, do you not?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"And is also true that at that time you had just broken up with Marco over his alleged   
infidelity?"  
  
"Not 'just' broken up counselor... it had been three months after the fact... but the   
break up had been recent..."  
  
"And is it also true that you were sufficiently upset over this to want to make him hurt   
for it?"  
  
"Yes. And that was one of the reasons I put sugar in his gas tank."  
  
"And is it not also the reason you took up with Josha? And, knowing how fast word travels,   
isn't that *also* the reason you were much more involved with him than you are choosing to   
admit?"  
  
"Firstly, after the lengthy talking to the shows executive gave us after the gas tank   
incident, I was not looking to do anything stupid to get back at Marco. And dating Josha at   
that time was stupid.. I admit it.. but by the time we had started 'dating' Marco and I had   
moved on... you can ask anyone besides Josha that, and you'll get the same answer."  
  
"Very well," DIC's lawyer said. "Regarding your other charges, at the time of the final   
season, the show's executives determined that some changes needed to be made in order to   
keep market share."  
  
"In other words, you wanted to graft Power Rangers on our show!"  
  
"Shut up!" the DIC rep bellowed, and a verbal fight ensued  
  
The judges gavel went wild. "That's enough! Counselor, I have rarely seen such shameful   
behavior in my court! Detective Glennan, if you cannot keep your temper under control, I   
will have to remove you from the courtroom!"  
  
The DIC rep, despite looking haggard and pitiful, swaggered away from the stand as if Ivy   
had been the only one loosing it. "No further questions you honor... now if I may?"  
  
The judge rolled his eyes, "Fine, fine.. Bring in your 'Surprise' witness counselor..."  
  
"I call Josha to the stand."  
  
Josha, clad in a suit and tie watched Ivy descend the stand and take her seat, before he   
moved at all. He was lead to the stand by the DIC rep and he placed a newly manicured hand   
on the bible the bailiff presented.  
  
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you   
God?"  
  
"I do."  
  
"Josha, please tell us what transpired between you and Ivy at the time in question."  
  
He overly relaxed in the chair and tried to look embarrassed "Well... I did ask her   
out to review the script, as she said..."  
  
Ivy snapped a pencil in two. Carmen gently covered the teens hand with the broken pencil   
points. Zack rubbed his sisters back while the chief quietly whispered 'It's all right' to her.  
  
"But she was the one making the moves on me ..."  
  
"Now.. explain to the court what you mean by 'The Moves'" the DIC guy oozed  
  
"Well ... I normally wouldn't discuss this in public ..."  
  
".. You can plead the fifth, " The DIC rep reminded no one in particular "But this is a   
court of law... the truth is of the utmost importance..."  
  
"Of course, I've worked at Acme long enough to be aware of that. Well ... she would ...   
touch me ... and make certain comments ..."  
  
"And what would an example of these... comments... be?"  
  
"That she ... though I had a cute ass ..."  
  
The Chief fussed with his tie and turned slightly green. Ivy's tense face temporary broke   
into a mask of rage. When she finally did recover some of her wits she whispered to Zack   
"I'm gonna have to kill him..."  
  
"You're gonna have to beat me to it..." he whispered back  
  
"And what was your reaction?"  
  
"What would you do if a beautiful woman said things like that to you? I didn't know then   
she was just using me to get back at Marco."  
  
"Objection, your honor!" Galese belted out   
  
"Pl - What is it, Mr. Galease?"  
  
"This whole testimony is more edited that a Hollywood movie script! I demand that this   
stop immediately!"  
  
"Overruled Galese, the truth from BOTH sides must come out, no matter how messy it is...   
proceed..."  
  
"And during the actual shooting of Cupid, what occurred?"  
  
"Well.... umm... after the Martini shot-the ACME holiday party-, Ivy asked me to   
take a walk with her at the beach and...well.. things got serious..."  
  
"OBJECTION!" Lee shouted  
  
"What now?" the Judge asked.  
  
"Your honor, I have several witness statements showing that Ivy broke up with Josha during   
that walk... several people give collaborating stories about Josha's explanation of how the   
break up occurred!" Lee passes these documents to the judge  
  
Josha and DIC's lawyer looked at each other.  
  
The judge looks over the documents and his eyebrows raise. "Bailiff, present these to the   
prosecution... Counselor, Mr. Josha.. would you care to explain these?"  
  
"Uhm ... Your Honor, the plaintiffs have subverted the witnesses ..."  
  
"What?!?!" roared the judge, "At the first little sign of opposition you claim fraud in the   
court!?!?"  
  
"But Your Honor, we ... ah ... never heard any such stories previously!"  
  
"Did you question or interview any of these people? These... Armondo... Jasmine...   
Tatyanna?" the Judge counted off  
  
"Uh ... "  
  
"There are at least twenty names here! Did you interview anyone in ACME who   
DIDN'T hold a grudge with the Glennan's or Ms. Sandiego?" the Judge asked.  
  
"Well ... Your Honor, we ..." The DIC guy is stumbled... all eyes   
are upon him... things don't look good... "No further questions your honor..."  
  
Lee Galease approaches the stand for cross-examination.  
  
"You claim to have been involved in a physical relationship with Ivy Glennan, is that   
true?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Ivy is looking rather ill.  
  
"And you claim that this relationship was in fact initiated by Ms. Glennan?"  
  
"Well it wasn't initialed by me..." he defends. Ivy wanted to say something to that but   
stays silent.  
  
"Then perhaps you would like to explain the testimony recorded here, wherein several other   
detectives, notably Armando and Tatyanna, observe that all physical contact appears to have   
been initiated by you, and merely tolerated or repulsed by Ms. Glennan?"  
  
Lee clicks on the tape recorder.   
  
Tatyanna comes on first: (She's hard to understand because of the accent) 'Well, everyone   
knew Josha was interested, but I thought she really thought of him more as a friend or   
someone to ... oh, how to say ... meet with when she did not want to eat alone or with her   
brother. I certainly don't think she ever had anything ... physical with him; she would   
push him away if he got too touchy."  
  
Josha sank into the chair as Tatyanna continued.  
  
"But she did read the script with him before 'Cupid' (sounds like 'Cupik') but after that   
the rumors started... she tried to let him down easy after the production wrapped up...   
maybe she was too nice.."  
  
"Or perhaps you would like to explain this?" He clicks the recorder, and Armando's voice   
comes through.  
  
"Well, I remember right after Ivy tried to tell the jerk off that there was a silly little   
rumor spread around that she and I were an item... not true, of course, but a little   
flattering... this asshole corners me and tells me he's going to rip my ears off if I come   
near her again! The jerk tried to..." Armondo faded off into angry Spanish... Josha sunk   
deeper into his chair.  
  
Lee clicked off the tape recorder. "I think I made my point...."  
  
Zack grinned and whispered to Ivy he'll tell her what Armando said after court.  
  
"No further questions, Your Honor." Josha steps off the witness stand and slinks away.  
  
"Well this has been a very productive afternoon!" The judge chuckled "We seem to be right   
back where we started! Let's take another break and see if we can't get every thing   
straightened out when the Chief presents his testimony...Fifteen minute recess!" the Judge   
declares. The gavel banged, and the two sides retreat into chambers. The groups retired   
quietly enough but when the doors close...  
  
"Woo-Hoo! Way to go Ivy!" screamed the Chief...  
  
Ivy collapses into a chair. "I'm gonna kill him. I am going to kill him!"  
  
"Is it just me or does Tatyanna sound devastatingly cute when she's angry?" Zack asked the   
room  
  
"Ivy, breathe!" Carmen advised the teen  
  
"Its just you.." the Chief replied  
  
Ivy breathed deeply. "I'm fine, really. Really."  
  
"Well SOMEones getting transferred to the Brazil branch in the morning!" The Chief replied   
between victory dance chants.  
  
"Chief, cut that out," Carmen told him "You're messing up your hair" she brushed the screen   
lightly and the Chiefs hair fell back into place  
  
"Well, so far so good," Ivy said, breaking a pencil. "I think the Judge is running out of   
patience."  
  
"…unfortunately it's with both sides..." Zack replied "Ivy, we won't keep giving you those   
if you're only going break them..."  
  
"Shut up, little bro..."  
  
Carmen took the pencils away and massaged Ivy's shoulders.  
  
"We need to wrap up," Lee said. "Chief, you and Zack need to be fast and impressive."  
  
"As opposed to slow and pointless?" Zack joked  
  
"So, don't imitate the DIC guy, is what you're saying?" the Chief joked  
  
Lee laughed. "Right. Chief, we'll put you on first. Don't crack silly jokes, do any of your   
usual stuff. You need to impress the jury. Zack, ditto."  
  
"Damn." they both said at the same time.  
  
"So I couldn't..." Zack started  
  
"No." said Ivy  
  
"Well what about the..." Chief started  
  
"No!" said Carmen  
  
Lee thinks. "This could be more difficult than I thought."  
  
There was general whimpering form the guys, but Ivy got in their faces...  
  
"Look, do you want the slimy guy to win?"  
  
"No..."  
  
"No way!"  
  
"Well then!"  
  
"But I want to do the crack pipe joke!" The chief wailed  
  
Carmen took him by the corner of his screen   
  
"Listen Chief! To show friendship at this point is to draw Kill Me across your forehead!   
Just give them no quarter and sink them with the same energy you use to make us laugh, and   
we'll be fine!"  
  
"Oh. Right. You don't think ..."  
  
"Chief, with what they've done already, they might well ..."  
  
The Chief shudders.  
  
"And you aren't exactly a brick wall when it comes to opposition..." Zack pointed out..  
  
Ivy slapped him upside the head  
  
Carmen broke it up. "Save it for after we're out of here. Zack ... what was Armando   
saying?"  
  
"Among various animals Josha should chase after instead of my sister he said he wasn't good   
enough to lick her boots...at least I think he said boots..." Carmen laughed.  
  
"We'll have to ask him the exact wording later," Ivy said  
  
"Err ... right ..." Zack says.  
  
The Young Bailiff walks in "Five minutes"  
  
Lee looks up. "OK, guys. Are you going to play it serious and straight?"  
  
Zack and The Chief suddenly straightened up and looked incredibly proper. "What do you   
think?" Zack asked slowly.  
  
Carmen and Ivy high fived each other  
  
Lee nodded. "That's it!"  
  
"Do you think we'll be able to carry this off old chap?" Zack asked sarcastically,   
smoothly looking at his wristwatch.  
  
"Well... I do believe we are going to find out..." The Chief said slowly.  
  
Carmen and Ivy looked at each. "I think we've created a pair of monsters."  
  
"Hey, if it works. it works!" Lee said  
  
"Are we ready?" Ivy asked  
  
"Looks like it..." Lee said  
  
The bailiff stuck his head in. "Ladies. Gentlemen?"  
  
"Coming." Lee commented. The group looked at each other, straightened their backs and   
walked to the courtroom in silence.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
DIC's lawyer looks relieved. Zack and the Chief can't be as much trouble as Ivy was ...  
  
The Judge comes in, trying to stuff the remains of a ham sandwich and a root beer into his   
mouth. All rise.  
  
"Court is now in session." The judge sits, "you may be seated"  
  
Everyone sits down. The bailiffs take popcorn away from several spectators.  
  
The judge fixes them a cool eye and then moves on. "What is next for examination by the   
court?"  
  
"Your honor, I would like to address Detective Zack Glennan's charges next," Lee Galease   
says.  
  
"Very well. Do you want to read the testimony?"  
  
"No your honor... it has already been entered in, and I would like to call my first   
witness?"  
  
"Proceed then." the judge said  
  
"I call Zack Glennan to the stand."  
  
Zack approached the bench coolly and his hand softly covered the book.  
  
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"  
  
"I do."  
  
Zack was seated and Lee approached him respectfully."Now Mr. Glennan... your claim is that   
your original role as Ivy's partner/sibling has been dumbed down to pointless slapstick...   
used only to flesh out the holes in the plot."  
  
"Exactly, sir. Initially we were supposed to be a team with complementary talents."  
  
"Specifically these complements were?"  
  
"Basically that I would be the 'Brain' so to speak... help out with languages and such...   
and she would be the brawn... Someone who acted and wasn't afraid to fight."  
  
"I see. And when did this change?"  
  
"Well, it started on the first episode. Ivy never gets that annoyed when I call her sis,   
and in that up she was absolutely furious about it."  
  
"Hmm... was there ever another time when calling her 'sis' upset her? During the   
episodes I mean..."  
  
"It would have been in the earlier episodes, although the pilot is the only one I   
remember distinctly."  
  
"So you think that the 'sis' addition was a way of establishing you as a comic figure?"  
  
"Initially no, I thought that they were trying to establish Ivy as the older, dominant   
partner... but later episodes made me wonder."  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"Well... um..." he said blushing, "During the 'Scavenger' shoot I got the Russian fight   
scene as a last minute re-write... The one where I acted like Curly?"  
  
"Yes we've seen the ep, Zack.":  
  
"That was embarrassing."  
  
"Explain to us what you were feeling." Lee asked  
  
"Well... I felt betrayed. The scene was initially a dual fight where I helped Ivy with some   
basic martial arts moves. But all of a sudden I'm knocking over henchmen because of moves,   
directed by pure luck! I still can't watch that scene to this day..."  
  
"I imagine not."  
  
"Your honor, this is absurd!" DIC's lawyer shouts. "He's just objecting because, like most   
teenage boys, he objects to being a bit awkward."  
  
"I know I am awkward, sir," Zack told the lawyer "but I am not that bad. May I finish?"  
  
After the judge glares at him, DIC's lawyer sits down and sneaks another nip from his   
flask.  
  
"Well, I freely admit I am not as good with the physical stuff as my sister, and I probably   
won't ever be. But I have passed all of Acme's required self-defense courses, and Ivy's   
given me some coaching."  
  
"So you think you could defend yourself in a fight for you life?" Lee asked.  
  
"Yes." he said calmly "And without impersonating a Stooge or a Chan."  
  
"Now, please go on to the other incidents."  
  
"Well, in another ep... I can't remember the name of it right now... I try to find a   
girlfriend during a Carmen scheme involving a giant chessboard... Now I admit to doing   
less-than-sane things to impress a girl. But in the ep I broke nearly every 'ACME code' for   
investigating a crime scene. I went in alone to potential dangerous situations time and   
again.. I insisted on trying to beat Carmen at her own game...Which, I may add, you will   
never see me doing except for the Tigress episode."  
  
"I believe the episode is Rules of the Game," Lee comments. "In that episode, wasn't   
your sister also in danger?"  
  
  
"That's another thing. I put my sister in danger, purposely put he in the path of harm to   
impress Tatyanna."  
  
"Which you would never do?"  
  
"No. Never. Not only is it pointless and stupid, I would bever harm another person to   
boost my ego."  
  
"Thank you," Lee Galease said, "No further questions."  
  
DIC's lawyer stood. Briefly, he paused considering. Then he shakingly approached the bench.  
  
"Mr. Glennan... it is your claim that you have never been taken seriously, and that we   
have, in every episode, purposly gone out of our ways to turn you into some sort of   
slapstick clown."  
  
"Not in every episode, but in the bulk of them, yes."  
  
"According to our records, the Stooge Bits were entirely your idea."  
  
"When exactly was this?" Zack asked  
  
"Immediately prior to the filming of one of the disputed eps." DIC lawyer said.  
  
"Which episode is that Counselor?" the Judge asked.  
  
"The one called 'Scavenger Hunt' your honor" DIC said.  
  
"Objection, your honor! Zack Glennan did not ask for a three stooges fight scene to be put   
in! He simply mentioned this to one of the writers."  
  
"Do you have documentation of this?" The judge asked.  
  
"Yes, sir." he offers some documents. "These are statements by witnesses that the   
mention was made jokingly."  
  
The judge looked over the papers. "Objection sustained. Bailiff enter both these sets of   
papers into evidence. Continue Counselor.."  
  
"And is not also true that you and your sister don't get along?" DIC's lawyer continues   
bravely ...  
  
"We get along as well as siblings do." Zack admitted "There is alot of pressure on the   
set... and yes, sometimes we fight or play pranks on each other. However," he went on, "I   
would never do anything to really hurt her, nor would she do anything to hurt me."  
  
"Except for the noodle incident."  
  
"The... noodle incident was a complete accident."  
  
"It wasn't a complete accident Zack..." the lawyer smirked, "You planned it for   
months.. and you almost backed out of it, knowing how dangerious it could be..."  
  
"Now wait just a minute.." Zack said, "It wasn't all that dangerious! It was just really   
messy... And I cleaned up the set myself afterwards..."  
  
"Wait a minute!" The judge bellowed "What is this Noodle incident?"  
  
"err ...." Zack muttered. DIC's lawyer smirked, and Ivy shook her head.  
  
"Your honor, I suggest we leave that subject alone and delve into more important   
matt-" Lee tried  
  
"No! We are not going any farther until someone explains what the hell is a noodle   
'incident' is!"   
  
"Your honor..." the DIC guy tried "It was messy prank involving one of our soundstages and   
a LOT of spaghetti... Let's just leave it at that..."  
  
"Spaghetti? Soundstage! Someone is telling me precisely what this was about,   
immediately!"  
  
Zack groans. "Your honor, it was a prank I pulled ...  
  
"I understood that much young man!" The judge bellowed "What exactly did it entail,   
and why did it need several pounds of spagetti?"  
  
Carmen and Ivy look at each other with a 'why did they drag that up' expression.  
  
"You see, your honor, things had been very tense on the set for a while.." Zack started   
"... and I wanted to break the tension ... "  
  
"Go on.."  
  
"Well... one of the prop guys was showing me how to work one of Carmen's exploding   
grappling hook fixtures.. you know, showing how to change it from the hook to   
a net launcher. And I asked him if it would work with other stuff... he said, yeah as long   
as it fit in the compartment that fit under Carmen's trenchcoat... so I started   
experimenting with different stuff. Well Ivy and I were having a prank fight one day. And   
they were serving spaghetti on the lunch cart."  
  
"I see ... "  
  
"So I started thinking.. Ivy hates spaghetti... and it works with spaghetti.. and it can   
be activated by remote..."  
  
"I see." The Judge looks completely non-plussed.  
  
"So I loaded up a few of the launchers and activated them between a take. Total chaos. I   
even got a bucket of meatballs, hanging in the rafters to drop at just the right moment...   
it was beautiful. Of course no one else thought it was.. But, like I said before, I cleaned   
up the set while everyone else went to break."  
  
"Understood. Counselor, you may resume questioning."  
  
Zack took a deep breath out.  
  
"So you are not as 'Mature' as you claim, it seems.." the lawyer smiled.  
  
"I am no less mature than the people who plan practical jokes for shows such as Candid   
Camera. And contrary to your earlier assertion, it was not that dangerous a prank. The   
worst that could have happened was a slip."  
  
"A slip could cause other, worse medical problems!" the attorney wined "Weren't you the   
least bit concerned that someone could trip and break their neck?"  
  
"The same thing could have happened on the set without the spaghetti..." Zack answered him   
coolly  
  
"Very well. Now, as to what you might do to impress a girl..."  
  
"I object!" Lee said. "This is merely a fishing expedition!"  
  
"I agree." the judge said "Objection sustained."  
  
"No further questions," DIC's lawyer sighs.  
  
Zack took a deep breath and eased out of the witness chair. He went back to the table. "Why   
does everyone bring that up," he sighed.  
  
"Are there any further witnesses to be called?"  
  
"The Chief, Your Honor."  
  
The Chief floats up to the witness stand and takes the oath.  
  
"Place your..." the bailiff starts, then skips to "To swear to tell the truth, the whole   
truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"  
  
"I do."  
  
"Please.. Please take your place in the witness box..." The Chief floated over and arranged   
himself in the witness box.  
  
Lee approaches the stand. "Your complaint is that you are treated as an object of humor,   
and not given the respect you deserve, correct?"  
  
"That is correct."  
  
"Would you please elaborate?"  
  
"Well," he said softly "in nearly episode I have been scripted to provide anywhere from   
four to thirteen sight gags.. say a minimum of six jokes... there is barely an episode   
where I am not acting like I'm in desperate need of LD medication."  
  
"I see. Go on."  
  
"All I want is some respect. I am in charge of the largest and most respected detective   
agency in the world. Even Russia will allow Acme agents to work freely. I would like to be   
allowed some dignity to do my job."  
  
"Sounds reasonable, doesn't it?" Lee asked the jury. He turned back to the Chief, "Yet   
interestingly enough, another part of your suit deals with emotional distress inflicted   
during the episode 'Follow in my Footsteps'."  
  
"That was not a pleasant episode for me."  
  
"Please explain to the jury why."  
  
"Well..." the Chief continued with difficulty, "First of all, little kids don't need to see   
death and violence in our show. They can find it anywhere else, they shouldn't have that   
shoved in their faces. And after that episode was accepted, the Maelstrom series and the   
CYEGHA two part aired.. It showed that the network didn't care about content... just   
ratings. And secondly.." he faltered for a second, his voice changing keys. "Excuse me..."  
  
"Do you need a minute?" Lee asked  
  
"No... no." he swallowed briefly and continued "Secondly I hated the whole concept of   
Carmen's death... Carmen and I have know each other for nearly fifteen years, and needless   
to say, we're close. For the week the episode was being shot, I worried that they were   
going to kill her off, in the script anyway.. And since they shot all the happier scenes   
earlier in the week, I had to pretend Carmen was missing.. dying somewhere we couldn't   
reach for days on end. It was hard.. And it was real, after a while.. there were some   
days when I called her up just to confirm she was still alive..."  
  
Carmen wipes her eyes. Ivy gently lays a hand on hers.   
  
"No further questions, Your Honor," Lee says quietly.  
  
The DIC people looked at the spell that had been cased over the courtroom, and huddled for   
several minutes.  
  
The Chief took the time to fix his tie and take a tiny sip out of a nearby glass of water.  
  
Finally the head DIC lawyer stood up and approached the judge. "Your Honor, we have no   
questions for this witness and would like to move to closing statements."  
  
"Mr. Galease?"  
  
"I have no objections."  
  
"Agreed.'  
  
Lee was the first to go. He had a soft smile of victory on his face as he approached the   
jury box.   
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, Ms. Sandiego, Detectives Ivy and Zack Glennan,   
and the Chief have dealt with quite a lot from DIC over the time of their employment. It   
was not an easy decision for them to seek redress through the courts, and as you can tell,   
it was not an easy experience. Their show was supposed to be non-violent, a safe space for   
children. Instead, they were given violence and death, and humiliation. DIC has attempted   
in this court to smear Ms. Glennan's reputation, since it was unable to defend its own   
actions. It has tried to smear Mr. Glennan for his high-spiritedness. And it has subjected   
the Chief to quite an ordeal by forcing him to go through a script where his adopted   
daughter appeared to have died. I ask you to not let them get away with these actions.   
Ms. Sandiego, the Glennans, the Chief ... they deserved better than what they were given."  
  
Lee took his seat and the DIC rep made his way to the jury box.  
  
"Emotions. They are the key to the heart of human existence. The essence of the human   
experience. In a normal court, if the jury was given only the cold hard facts, every murder   
case would end with jail time. But emotions show the people behind the crimes.. the truth   
of the situation. The defense has given you nothing but those cold hard facts. The events   
as they happened, yet none of the emotions of those events. Oh, they've indicated emotions   
about certain points... but they have always fallen short. They have fallen short because   
they know that if the whole situation was revealed they wouldn't have a leg to stand on..   
That their so-called 'injustices' are nothing more than the bitchy whimpers of a group of   
actors, watching what they take as the disintegration of their jobs... and their almost-  
admirable determination to not go without a fight. Think with your emotions- as well as   
with the facts- and ladies and Gentlemen.. you will reveal the truth, time and again.  
  
The bailiffs escort the jury to a deliberating room. The lawyers retreat to their   
respective waiting rooms.  
  
"Well cross your fingers, and hope for the best.." Ivy said when the doors were closed.   
  
"I think the jury were impressed by the Chief," Zack said.  
  
"I think so too.." Carmen admitted  
  
"Oh?" the Chief said, still pretty mild, "Well thank you... thank you very much.."  
  
"Juries are unpredictable," Lee said with a sigh. "You just never know ..."  
  
"Well, let's not get discouraged..." Carmen said. "Let's just get comfortable and hope for   
the best.. We could be here for a while.."  
  
"Too bad we can't order out for pizza," Zack said. "I'm hungry."  
  
"You're always hungry," Ivy replied.   
  
"Well, there is a vending machine down the hall..." the Chief said, "And a payphone.. we   
could order in if were really... what?" the last part was to Ivy who was fixing the Chief   
with the Look of Death.  
  
"Don't encourage him!" Ivy yelled  
  
"Sorry! Just wanted to help..." the Chief was cut off by Lee screaming.  
  
"Aaaiiee! Zack, what are you doing?!?!"   
  
"I'm rummaging through the cabinets, what does it look like?" the teen said as he dug   
through a very dust cherry side cabinet.  
  
"Well stop it!"  
  
"Get some food in here, and I just might!" he shot back, playfully.   
  
Lee groaned. "If I'm not back in five minutes... wait longer..."  
  
"Zack, sit down!"  
  
"In a sec Ivy... hey, a mini-fridge!"  
  
Ivy grabbed her younger brother by the ear and threw him in a chair.  
  
"We're never going to survive a full hour..." the Chief groaned. Ivy was giving Zack a   
power noogie.  
  
"Tell me about it! Ow! Ivy stop it!" Zack yelped.  
  
Carmen shook her head. "Will both of you please stop that?"  
  
Ivy let go of her little brother. Zack ran to the other side of the room, and dug into his   
previously forgotten backpack.  
  
Lee came into the room suddenly, his arms full of soda and bottled water. "The Pizzas   
coming in an hour."  
  
"Rightcious!" Zack crooned, opening a surge as he pulled a game boy out of his pack.  
  
"Remind me...how long do these things usually take?" the Chief asked Carmen.  
  
"It varies, Chief. It depends on how divided the jury is," Carmen replied. "What did   
you get on the pizza, Lee?"  
  
"Everything but anchovies and onions."  
  
"Thank you..." Ivy said. "I hate anchovies..." she walked over to Zack, paused, then for   
no reason slapped him upside the head.  
  
"Ivy!" Carmen, Lee and Chief said at once.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't think I'm gonna survive a couple hours of this.." the Chief moaned.  
  
"Chill out chief... It might not be a couple hours.. Hey, if you really want something to   
do... there's a chess set in the cabinet."  
  
Carmen took out the chess set and set up the board. Ivy pulled a thick book out of her   
bag and flipped through it to find her place. Zack was even considerate enough to   
plug in his game boy's headphones. With everyone occupied, calm descended on the room...  
  
... until the arrival of the pizza.  
  
"Hey! Smells good... thin crust? You got thin crust?" Ivy asked Lee.  
  
"I happen to like thin crust!" the lawyer defended.  
  
Ivy groaned and took two slices of pizza. "The crust is the best part!"  
  
Zack pushed past his sister and took four pieces.  
  
Carmen looked into the box and took a slice, picking off the olives. "God, I hate these   
things.."  
  
"Carmen, let me get you a napkin for that.." Lee said, worried about the finish of the   
desk.  
  
"Zack, don't be such a pig!"  
  
"I'm nopht beihing a phig!" he defended..  
  
"Eeewww, can't you keep your mouth closed?!" Ivy squealed  
  
"What? Donh't you like Seha food?" he asked opening his mouth wide. "Seha food!   
Geht it?"  
  
"Zack, swallow please!" Carmen said "That's completely.. Hey! I saw that!" She finished to   
the Chief, as he tried to switch a threatening rook with an already captured pawn.  
  
Lee took out his cell phone.  
  
"Who are you calling?"  
  
"The Professor's therapist. I hope he's not booked solid."  
  
"Hey! What an insult!" Ivy protested  
  
"yeah, really!" zack said, after swallowing.  
  
"Lee, put down that phone and sucumb to the insanity." Carmen said dryly, "That's an   
order.."  
  
"But - "  
  
"Who's paying you?"  
  
Lee put down the phone and grabbed some pizza.  
  
"Good boy." Carmen smiled.  
  
"Hey, who says money can't buy the best things in life?" Ivy asked.  
  
"I do!" Zack said, in a falsetto voice, playing with one of Carmen's discarded olives. "I'm   
Mr. Olive! Do-be-do-be..Aie!" he said as the olive went over the edge of the desk...  
  
"This is why Mom took your TV away, Zack." Ivy commented  
  
Lee looked at the pizza and picked off the pepperoni. "Pepperoni ... bleah ... "  
  
"You don't like pepperoni, Lee?" The Chief asked, in awe. "I didn't know anyone   
DIDN'T like pepperoni!"  
  
"No, I don't. Neither does the Professor, actually."  
  
"What?!?! Woah.." The Chief said, amazed  
  
"Nah, she hates pepperoni. she likes anchovies though, God only knows why." Carmen commented  
  
"Wow.. It's weird, I always thought pepperoni love was universal..." Chief said.  
  
"This is the Professor we're talking about," Zack said. "She probably doesn't even   
like ice cream."  
  
"Nobody doesn't like ice cream!" the Chief exclaimed.  
  
"You're wrong there," Carmen said. "She loves ice cream. Especially chocolate and butter   
pecan."  
  
Ivy shook her head and looked up from her book. "How did we get on the subject of her   
food likes anyway?"  
  
The room was silent for a split second.  
  
"...I... think it's time for a new topic.." Ivy said  
  
"Agreed." Carmen said, "What else?"  
  
"Well ... umm ... what have you been reading lately?" Chief asked  
  
"Legal briefs. I've been breathing this case ever since it started.." Carmen replied.  
  
"Same here." Lee responded."  
  
"Um... Henry James.." the Chief said. "Or at least trying to.. I don't see what the fuss about, though... the guy is BORing..."  
  
"Read? Uh .. " Zack is at a loss.  
  
"I've been reading Way of the Warrior for the last two weeks ... or trying to. I never got   
Henry James either, Chief." Ivy said  
  
"Thank God! I'm not the only one.." The chief excalimed  
  
"Or Jane Austen. I hated having to read her for class." Ivy added  
  
"Poe is kinda cool though.." The Chief admitted  
  
"I love Poe!" Zack exclaimed.  
  
"Really? Dude, what's your fave story?" Chief asked  
  
"The Tell-Tale Heart. Yours?"  
  
"Lol...damn! Can't think of the title.. I think it's something like Lolita... It's the one   
where the guy marries his true love and when she dies she comes back to kill his next wife   
and drag him into madness?" The Chief said.  
  
"Morella, I think." Zack offered.  
  
"Nah, it was an L-O-something.... This is going to bother me for the rest of the day..."  
  
"Don't you hate that?" Zack smiled  
  
"Yes! Argh... Lolati? Lolatina?" Chief said.  
  
"So how many black belts do you have, Ivy?" Carmen asked, picking the olives off   
another piece of pizza.  
  
Ivy thought. "Four. I just earned my black belt in aikido."  
  
"Really? When did you get that one?"  
  
"Just last month, when I finally managed to make it to the belt test."  
  
"Your parents must be very proud.."  
  
Ivy grinned. "Mom still doesn't get it."  
  
"The philosophy or why you started in the first place?" Carmen asked.  
  
"Either one." Ivy told her.  
  
"Well, it's good to keep it up, even if no one, but you, understands why.." Carmen said.  
  
"Oh, yes ... it's not like I'd quit now. I have students now anyway."  
  
"Really?" Carmen asked, surprised.  
  
"I started assistant-teaching in Tae Kwon Do a couple years ago, and now I run   
several classes on my own."  
  
"You sound like you really enjoy it."  
  
"Oh, I do. Not quite as much as I enjoy detective work, but I do enjoy it."  
  
"Good." the thief said warmly, "Although, I hope nothing replaces ACME in your heart...   
it's good to do something you love..." Carmen started.  
  
They both looked over at Zack and the Chief, who had created little men out of the pizza   
tables and leftover olives, and were using them to give book reviews  
  
"..no matter how bizarre others think it." Carmen ended.  
  
Ivy laughed. "you know, carmen ... I wish you hadn't left ..."  
  
"Sometimes I do to.." the thief said softly. "But time can't be turned back..."  
  
"No ... too bad. We would have made a great team."  
  
"I've often thought so..." Carmen said."But I didn't think you did."  
  
"Why do you say that?" Ivy asked  
  
Carmen looked away, uncomfortable. "I never thought you thought of me as anything   
more than a ... coworker at best ..."  
  
Lee's cell phone rang. He answered it as naturally as coughing.. "Yes?.. What?.. It was a   
joke... No...Joke! Like 'Ha-ha!'?... Listen... I'll pay for it... yes... yes.. good bye!"  
  
"I don't want to know," Carmen said.  
  
"Me either," Ivy replied.  
  
"Oh.. um.. that? Nothing.." Lee obfuscated  
  
"Hey, Ivy? Do olives burn?" Zack asked holding out his lighter.  
  
"DON'T DO IT!" Ivy said, taking away the lighter.  
  
"What?!? A guy doesn't just walk through a fireworks factory smoking without   
some kind of reprocussions!" The Chief protested.  
  
"What ... nevermind. I don't care. Burn stuff at - no, don't burn anything at home or   
Mom will make you go live with Aunt Mary." Ivy treatened.  
  
Carmen raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"  
  
Zack paled. "Not the one with the hundreds of cats!"  
  
"Yes. You know how mad she got the last time you burned anything."  
  
"What exactly happened 'the last time'?" Carmen asked.  
  
"Uh ... I don't ... Ivy, don't or - " Zack protested  
  
"You do and I'll - " Ivy threatened.  
  
"You talk about that and Mom finds out - "  
  
"Dad finds out who - "  
  
"Guys..guys! Calm down! Now.. what 'last time'?"  
  
Neither sibling would look at the thief.  
  
"Ok... is it worse that the noodle incedent?" Carmen asked.  
  
There was total silence.  
  
"Uh, so, anyway, Ive, when are your classes this week?" Zack asked his sister  
  
"Oh no.. guys, just tell me... worse than noodle incident or better?"  
  
"Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Zack."  
  
"Guys." Carmen said.  
  
"Uh ... well ... Mom and Dad would say worse ... " Zack said.  
  
"OK... and what exactly got burned?"  
  
"That was a different incident ..." Ivy prostested  
  
"So the burning was one thing.. the aunt with the cats was another?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it." Zack said.  
  
"It's alright... C'mon, what else to we have to do?" Carmen tried  
  
"I said, I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"All right.." Carmen said, as Zack retreated into the corner with his   
gameboy "I don't want to force you.."  
  
Suddenly, the door opened. 'The jury has reached a verdict."  
  
"This is it people!" Lee said excitedly, "Let's not keep the jury waiting." They filed back into the courtroom.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`  
"All rise!"  
  
The Judge returned. "Have you reached a verdict?"  
  
"Yes, Your Honor."  
  
"Please read it."  
  
"We the jury, find, in the case of Glennan, Glennan and Sandiego vs DIC inc   
international that the defendant DIC inc international is guilty under ten out of the ten   
terms in the suit." DIC's lawyers fainted.  
  
The formalities of calling the jury members continue over the hub of the joyous noise   
in the courtroom. The Glennans, Lee, Carmen and the Chief merge into a single group hug.   
The DIC inc lawyers try to revive their colleague and demand an appeal.  
  
"And the punishment?" The judge asked  
  
"We sentence DIC Inc. International to produce 26 more episodes of WOEICS, and to   
completely rewrite and reshoot the offending episodes."  
  
All present accept the DIC execs scream in happiness... Absolute pandemonium. Fifteen or   
twenty minutes later, the courtroom has calmed down.  
  
"Great work, all. Come on. Let's go spread the news." Lee beamed  
  
Zack, Ivy the Chief Lee and most of the courtroom linked arms and walked out, leaving the   
Judge to smile.   
  
"And I thought this job was boring." He said with a smile.   



End file.
